Recently I chatted with a man who was nervous, physically ill, and disturbed emotionally. I felt he should visit a specialist, but he wanted to talk with me, so I patiently listened. As his story came out, I began to understand why he was so miserable: he was long on memory and short on forgiveness. He remembered every unkind thing anybody had ever said or done to him. At times his eyes blazed with murderous anger. Once more I was reminded of the importance of forgiveness as one of the greatest spiritual medicines in all the world.
Mark Twain is best known for his humorous stories, but he could be a philosopher when he wanted to be. One of the most beautiful things he ever said was, "Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it." Forgiveness is not easy, but it is necessary. An unforgiving spirit doesn't hurt the other person; it hurts us. To harbor grudges, to cultivate malice toward another person, to refuse to forgive—all of these poison the inner man and produce spiritual and emotional sickness that no man-made medicines can cure.
I am amazed at the great number of disturbed people I meet who carry in their heart an unforgiving spirit. These people come to me with their problems—they are restless; they run from job to job or apartment to apartment, never able to settle down; they are always being hurt by somebody; they have a hard time making friends. When I ask them if they have ever forgiven those who have wronged them, they look at me with a shocked expression as if I have read their minds. The symptoms are typical, and you and I can detect them in ourselves as well as in others.
When you have an unforgiving spirit, you think you are better than other people. They make mistakes, but you never make mistakes. When you have an unforgiving spirit, you are supersensitive; you take very personally what other people say and do. You become suspicious of their motives and you feel that somebody is going to hurt you. An unforgiving spirit causes a person to withdraw into himself and become a spectator in life, not a participant. After all, when you are better than other people and they are out to get you, why get friendly? This explains why unforgiving people are usually lonely, critical, nervous people.
But one of the saddest results of an unforgiving spirit is the buildup of aggression on the inside. Many people who carry grudges and harbor malice are filled with hostility. They are unable to laugh off the little problems that people sometimes cause; they take these matters seriously and build them into big issues. If somebody pushes ahead of them on the bus, they take it personally and declare war. If nobody really causes any trouble, the unforgiving people can usually imagine something and invent a problem to fight about.
In order to forgive, you have to be forgiven. When you experience the forgiveness of God in your own heart and realize that Jesus died for you, then you can begin to forgive others and rid your system of the poison of malice. But you can't be forgiven until you admit you need forgiveness, and that is where the rub comes in. Very few people like to admit they are sinners in need of God's gracious forgiveness. This explains why some people are always condemning others: by making others look bad, they think they can make themselves look good. And once they believe that they are that good, then they see no need for forgiveness.
I recall counseling with a lady who was gifted at finding fault with others. But she was unable to see any needs in her own life. Patiently I talked with her, and the longer we talked, the clearer it became to me that her judging of others was really a mask to hide herself. Finally I asked her if there was not some great disappointment in her life that pained her; and then she broke down and cried, admitting that there was. There was an old wound that she had never permitted God to heal. It had festered all those years and poisoned her system. Once she admitted it to herself, and then confessed it to God, it was healed. And once she was forgiven, she was able to forgive others.
This is what Paul meant when he wrote, "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" (Eph. 4:32). On the cross Jesus prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Because He shed His blood, you and I can experience God's gracious forgiveness. There is no way we can earn His forgiveness; it is a gift. When you turn to Christ in faith, confess your need, and ask for His forgiveness, He grants it to you unconditionally. If He does all this for us, should we not be able to forgive others?
It is possible to receive forgiveness from God but not really experience it in our hearts. We know God has saved us, but it hasn't really registered deep within. It is sort of a commercial transaction that needs to become personal. We have the doctrine in our head but it needs to get to our heart. We know we are going to heaven, but somehow heaven hasn't come down to us and given us a forgiving spirit toward others. What can we do about this? How can a person cultivate a forgiving spirit and avoid the terrible poison of malice and hatred? By realizing what a great sinner he really is! Perhaps we aren't guilty of some of the gross sins that we see in other people, but we may have committed them in our hearts. At the end of his life, Paul called himself the "chief of sinners." The closer we get to the light, the dirtier our hearts and hands become. So the first suggestion I have for cultivating a forgiving spirit is to spend time daily with the Lord in His Word and in prayer. Get to know Him better. As you do, you will realize what sin really is, and you will discover that there are areas that still need help.
And as you fellowship daily with the Lord, you will discover how loving and gracious He is, and what it cost Him to forgive you. One reason why Jesus instituted the Lord's Supper was to remind us that He died for us. I cannot conceive of a person coming to the Lord's Table and going away with an unforgiving spirit. When we realize the meaning of the cross, we have to forgive others.
Here is a third suggestion: let the Holy Spirit within you generate the kind of love that it takes to forgive others. The fruit of the Spirit is love. You and I cannot manufacture forgiveness; it is something God does within us as we yield to Him. Confess your unforgiving spirit to God; ask Him to forgive you and fill your heart with His love. Then go to those you have wronged and share God's love and forgiveness with them.
My last suggestion is a negative one, but I think it's important: realize how costly it is to have an unforgiving heart. Hannah More wrote, "A Christian will find it cheaper to pardon than to resent. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." How true this is! If only people could see an x-ray of the inner man and realize the damage that is done when they harbor grudges and malice! No amount of compensation can repay you for an unforgiving spirit. Your enemy is not the one who suffers; you are.
It may take time, but start today to cultivate a spirit of forgiveness. Let God cleanse your heart and fill it with His love. The next time somebody offends you or hurts you, immediately forgive him from your heart. Resist every inclination to fight back, either on the outside or on the inside. Ask God to give you a gracious attitude, and treat that person with love. You will discover that forgiveness brings liberty and joy, while hatred creates misery and bondage. Day after day, the Holy Spirit will work in you and through you, and life will take on a different atmosphere for you and for those around you. "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
Wiersbe, W. W. (2003). The bumps are what you climb on. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker.
Mark Twain is best known for his humorous stories, but he could be a philosopher when he wanted to be. One of the most beautiful things he ever said was, "Forgiveness is the fragrance the violet sheds on the heel that crushed it." Forgiveness is not easy, but it is necessary. An unforgiving spirit doesn't hurt the other person; it hurts us. To harbor grudges, to cultivate malice toward another person, to refuse to forgive—all of these poison the inner man and produce spiritual and emotional sickness that no man-made medicines can cure.
I am amazed at the great number of disturbed people I meet who carry in their heart an unforgiving spirit. These people come to me with their problems—they are restless; they run from job to job or apartment to apartment, never able to settle down; they are always being hurt by somebody; they have a hard time making friends. When I ask them if they have ever forgiven those who have wronged them, they look at me with a shocked expression as if I have read their minds. The symptoms are typical, and you and I can detect them in ourselves as well as in others.
When you have an unforgiving spirit, you think you are better than other people. They make mistakes, but you never make mistakes. When you have an unforgiving spirit, you are supersensitive; you take very personally what other people say and do. You become suspicious of their motives and you feel that somebody is going to hurt you. An unforgiving spirit causes a person to withdraw into himself and become a spectator in life, not a participant. After all, when you are better than other people and they are out to get you, why get friendly? This explains why unforgiving people are usually lonely, critical, nervous people.
But one of the saddest results of an unforgiving spirit is the buildup of aggression on the inside. Many people who carry grudges and harbor malice are filled with hostility. They are unable to laugh off the little problems that people sometimes cause; they take these matters seriously and build them into big issues. If somebody pushes ahead of them on the bus, they take it personally and declare war. If nobody really causes any trouble, the unforgiving people can usually imagine something and invent a problem to fight about.
In order to forgive, you have to be forgiven. When you experience the forgiveness of God in your own heart and realize that Jesus died for you, then you can begin to forgive others and rid your system of the poison of malice. But you can't be forgiven until you admit you need forgiveness, and that is where the rub comes in. Very few people like to admit they are sinners in need of God's gracious forgiveness. This explains why some people are always condemning others: by making others look bad, they think they can make themselves look good. And once they believe that they are that good, then they see no need for forgiveness.
I recall counseling with a lady who was gifted at finding fault with others. But she was unable to see any needs in her own life. Patiently I talked with her, and the longer we talked, the clearer it became to me that her judging of others was really a mask to hide herself. Finally I asked her if there was not some great disappointment in her life that pained her; and then she broke down and cried, admitting that there was. There was an old wound that she had never permitted God to heal. It had festered all those years and poisoned her system. Once she admitted it to herself, and then confessed it to God, it was healed. And once she was forgiven, she was able to forgive others.
This is what Paul meant when he wrote, "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you" (Eph. 4:32). On the cross Jesus prayed, "Father, forgive them, for they know not what they do." Because He shed His blood, you and I can experience God's gracious forgiveness. There is no way we can earn His forgiveness; it is a gift. When you turn to Christ in faith, confess your need, and ask for His forgiveness, He grants it to you unconditionally. If He does all this for us, should we not be able to forgive others?
It is possible to receive forgiveness from God but not really experience it in our hearts. We know God has saved us, but it hasn't really registered deep within. It is sort of a commercial transaction that needs to become personal. We have the doctrine in our head but it needs to get to our heart. We know we are going to heaven, but somehow heaven hasn't come down to us and given us a forgiving spirit toward others. What can we do about this? How can a person cultivate a forgiving spirit and avoid the terrible poison of malice and hatred? By realizing what a great sinner he really is! Perhaps we aren't guilty of some of the gross sins that we see in other people, but we may have committed them in our hearts. At the end of his life, Paul called himself the "chief of sinners." The closer we get to the light, the dirtier our hearts and hands become. So the first suggestion I have for cultivating a forgiving spirit is to spend time daily with the Lord in His Word and in prayer. Get to know Him better. As you do, you will realize what sin really is, and you will discover that there are areas that still need help.
And as you fellowship daily with the Lord, you will discover how loving and gracious He is, and what it cost Him to forgive you. One reason why Jesus instituted the Lord's Supper was to remind us that He died for us. I cannot conceive of a person coming to the Lord's Table and going away with an unforgiving spirit. When we realize the meaning of the cross, we have to forgive others.
Here is a third suggestion: let the Holy Spirit within you generate the kind of love that it takes to forgive others. The fruit of the Spirit is love. You and I cannot manufacture forgiveness; it is something God does within us as we yield to Him. Confess your unforgiving spirit to God; ask Him to forgive you and fill your heart with His love. Then go to those you have wronged and share God's love and forgiveness with them.
My last suggestion is a negative one, but I think it's important: realize how costly it is to have an unforgiving heart. Hannah More wrote, "A Christian will find it cheaper to pardon than to resent. Forgiveness saves the expense of anger, the cost of hatred, the waste of spirits." How true this is! If only people could see an x-ray of the inner man and realize the damage that is done when they harbor grudges and malice! No amount of compensation can repay you for an unforgiving spirit. Your enemy is not the one who suffers; you are.
It may take time, but start today to cultivate a spirit of forgiveness. Let God cleanse your heart and fill it with His love. The next time somebody offends you or hurts you, immediately forgive him from your heart. Resist every inclination to fight back, either on the outside or on the inside. Ask God to give you a gracious attitude, and treat that person with love. You will discover that forgiveness brings liberty and joy, while hatred creates misery and bondage. Day after day, the Holy Spirit will work in you and through you, and life will take on a different atmosphere for you and for those around you. "And be ye kind one to another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, even as God for Christ's sake hath forgiven you."
Wiersbe, W. W. (2003). The bumps are what you climb on. Grand Rapids, MI: Baker.
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